Thanks for all the kind words. I was real messed up yesterday, but debr saved the day. She made all the phone calls for me, including to relatives of mine that she's never met. I just couldn't talk to anyone.
The way I view it, she's a) not in the nursing home and b) not living with my father. She is as she would want to be, sitting in her kitchen in her house with a stack of unread books, a pot of fresh black coffee and a new pack of cigarettes.
My mother's remaining 2 sisters and brother are so pissed off that they didn't know my mother was so ill. My father never called them to let them know she was getting close. Hell he didn't even tell me. I talked to her 2 weeks ago and they said she seemed to be showing some improvement. Which I had been hoping for when she got away from my dad. How I found out, and how I even got to see my mother while she was still alive was because the only shift (at the nursing home) my father had not forbade from calling me, called me. Go third shift nurse Lynn!
My mom wouldn't have wanted a funeral, she never went to them and didn't like them. So I volunteered my mom's baby sister's place for a little family swap stories about mom get together, thingie. We'll look into maybe donations to a literacy foundation in her name or breast cancer awareness.